Tetanus journal Part 3

December 1, 2004 (Wednesday): Not so cold as yesterday when I wake up, toe is warm because of ThermaCare and compress; leave it on. Bobbett Gurule comes this afternoon — she’s very nice; she may have a doctor to come here, she’s surprised that TBI didn’t tell me about their services. I’m sooo happy. I’m glad I used my web site in ABCHomeopathy and Sabra recognized it. Sabra is who told me to call the county for help. Sabra comes over right after Bobbett leaves. So I talked with people for over 4 hours; midsection muscles painful and I have to hold them, one spot on the left is sharply painful.

Kitchen Angels sends flowers: sunflowers. So happy making, plus they smell good.

Sharp pain persists for over 4 hours. Take compress off toe about 10pm. There’s what looks like a little pile of white stuff on the tip of my toe, above the middle line under my toe nail. Was it drawn out by the Epsom salt? It looks like fine white sand. Going to take a picture but it looks so fake; I decide to touch it and it gets so spread out I can’t see it anymore. I soooo wish I’d taken a picture. Will put another compress on in an hour or two to complete job, hopefully. Happiness. Lines most faint ever.

December 2, 2004 (Thursday): Intense pain in right thigh keeps waking me up. No B12 shot since Nov. 28… Have a shot at 4 pm in hopes it reduces thigh pain over night and I can sleep. Mug of tea with C. Corrine does not bring food and calls just before 4:30. I feel really let down by her. I ask her why she didn’t tell me about adult protective services. She says I should have called around and found out. I feel exhausted after talking to her. Write to her boss about some of the problems. Don’t post right away, to think about it.

8 pm take compress off. Plan to leave it off for three hours. About a half hour later when toe is dry, I see a circle around the spot where the little pile of stuff was. I take a picture, then try to brush it off, but this is different… it’s almost as if the skin is abraded in a circle around the spot, and Epsom salt has stuck into the edges of the circular patch around the more smooth skin. The lines are really faint, but not gone. I decide to wait till tomorrow to put on another compress.

Put vaseline on thigh which was looking a bit peeled, maybe from swelling? Hope vaseline reduces tight feeling.

Exhausted, turn out lights a little after ten. Can’t sleep though. At 1 a.m. take Ibuprofen, then sleep till about 5 a.m.

December 3, 2004 (Friday): Up at 5:30 a.m. Notice that toe doesn’t hurt when it rubs against bed covers; still red though. Muscles that were so painfully sore around abdomen yesterday are itching, seems like they may be healing; tired, but hopeful.

Bobbette comes, brings in mail. Foreclosure hearing notice.

I get really cold and start shaking. Can’t get warm. Bobbette is reassuring, says she will write something to Court. Can’t type clearly, many errors. Scared. Feel like TBI has major let me down. By p.m. I’m exhausted. Don’t feel like changing compress; toe dark red again, maybe from cold and stress.

December 4, 2004 (Saturday): pbs is advertising: my favorite programs aren’t on. Work on Reply Brief. Carroll at Law Library tells me how to find 5 years of case law at LexisOne; too intense; great. Concentrating on Brief helps me not be scared about foreclosure. Call Connie Foster to say hi, she says when she runs out of money she’s thinking she’ll kill herself. Oh dear.

Take compress off p.m. Another white bit at top end of red line… this is like the tip of something that’s further embedded. It won’t knock off. Put fresh compress on late p.m. after a few hours of foot breathing. Hopeful.

December 5, 2004 (Sunday): work on Reply Brief: cannot get the Law Library emails of Badillo-Santiago to be so I can read them; try screen shots put into Word docs, but bits are missing and it takes over 16 Word pages for a fraction of the case… each screen shot shows only a few words because of the gargantuan size of the email contents; almost crying; can’t read it, feel near hopeless; hard not to be swamped by fear and become distraught about foreclosure. I Google case name and get Amicus Curea Brief and Circuit Court vacating earlier court’s judgment. Intense!!!! Wow. Finally see how I should be constructing Brief presentation. Feel like it’s a miracle.

p.m. take compress off and there’s a white bit again. Lines are becoming quite faint, can only see them from certain angles. Put fresh compress on late p.m.

December 6, 2004 (Monday): Call Denver, brief due Wednesday, not Tuesday: Whew! Keep sticking with the masses of C and mugs of tea. Concentrating on Brief reduces fear of foreclosure. Compress off p.m.: looks less red. Hopeful. Fresh compress.

December 7, 2004 (Tuesday): Fed Ex takes Brief about 2:30 p.m. Almost instantly I/m devastated. I guess because I don’t have anything to take my mind off foreclosure. Jana never sounds interested: she has a Stepford Wife attitude; don’t feel as if she hears me. I make calls she seems to have ignored making: re Sara and completing the Returns. Jana says she’ll come 9 a.m. to pickup Return Forms for Sara to complete.

Masses of C, mugs of tea as per usual. I write and Fax file something with court. Bobbette sends something to court. Pretty distressed. Change compresses. Can’t go to sleep.

December 8, 2004 (Wednesday): Up early. Waiting for Jana. Jana doesn’t come, doesn’t call. Finally at 10 she comes. She has a real Stepford Wife attitude only it’s not really nice to me, it’s just like a front. She sounds like she could care less. Says she will not see to them getting filed, that she will only do what she agreed to last night. I thought she did agree to taking care of it, but she seems pleased to say she did not.

Major tense muscles, clamping tight, extreme pain in abdominal muscles. Call Connie to maybe serve Shapiro/ Meinhold at court. She can’t. I’m glad I offered it to her since she had said she was going to kill herself when she ran out of money. Call “expedited” process servers. David Segura. He’s good. Feel less scared when I know some Returns will be filed.

December 9, 2004 (Thursday): gums red and swollen, can’t leave partial in. Really scared about infection in my gums. Corrine comes at 9, not at noon as she’d agreed: appointment. She brings bad food: donuts, brown cabbage, somewhat rotten salad stuff in plastic bag. She doesn’t sound like she’s telling the truth.

Salt water solution in mouth for long periods. Put partial in to eat dinner; no entre was sent, so I eat some slices of bread with bologna and individual cheese slices: painful.

December 10, 2004 (Friday): gums really bad, dark red over pretty big area. Scared. Three hours of salt water in mouth. Helps some, not a lot. Kathleen comes over to get a Return corrected. Great to see her. Feel bad I can’t have partial in. Massive C, tea. Ibuprofen, wonder if Ibuprofen has keep me from feeling tooth stump getting huge decay. From resting yesterday when I only worked on my web page, my muscles seem better. Major pain hardly there at all. Compress off: toe looks really good. Fresh compress just to be thorough and sure. Wish this wasn’t accompanied by huge teeth problem.

December 11, 2004 (Saturday): gums hurt even though partial isn’t in. Take implant screw out. Salt water solution in mouth for an hour. Infection in mouth hurts sharp pain with salt water, dull ache between salt water. Glands feel swollen. Eyes burn. Take compress off early hoping for good clear toe, and that’s true. It’s still looking good: all red lines are faint and half the length they were. Left eye not seeing clearly. Infection is on left upper side of mouth. Tooth stump is black with decay. Scared. Can’t go to sleep till going on 4 a.m.

Computer tech had tetanus

December 12, 2004 (Sunday): didn’t sleep well even though pain in right thigh is vastly reduced. Hard to eat without partial; jaw feels really tight, maybe from extra strain since without partial there’s a larger space my teeth/jaw close through in trying to chew. Take out second implant screw. Salt water for hours, till I run out of salt. Inside of my lips are irritated from the salt.

Muscles itching, which seems like a good sign, grandpa used to say itching (after I had my appendix out) was a sign of healing.

Call Gateway tech re computer not working; Christy, the young woman, had tetanus when she was about 8, she got it near her birthday which she said was in May… it took her till August to be able to go outside. She remembers it like the worse case of flu ever, with all her muscles hurting. Her neck did get “locked” when she was lying on sofa because she wasn’t feeling good, and her jaw locked; she was in hospital three days; hers itched when she was getting better. I’m amazed to have gotten to talk to someone else who has had tetanus. Computer’s okay, whew. Massive C and tea. Fresh compress.

December 13, 2004 (Monday): Doreen didn’t come. Feel a little scared. Don’t hear from Bobbette, so I think Bobbette must be under the weather. Sabra says she can get a few things for me. Massive C and tea. Young woman delivers for Kitchen Angels. when I hear her at door I get up to go collect dinner from her, only she’s already in hall and I jump in fright, then laugh. She’s a very nice young woman.

Fresh compress. Gums are very red only in certain areas now.

December 14, 2004 (Tuesday): Didn’t sleep well last night. I’m so tired of sleeping sitting up, but my muscles begin to feel very worrying when I try to straighten out. Sabra is going to P.O. so she says she’ll get stamps for me. She’ll also get salt and Listerine. Try to take it easy. Massive C, tea. Take compress off around noon. Toe looks really good. Think I may not put another compress on. B12 shot. Charles delivers for Kitchen Angels, he cheers me up big time, but when he’s leaving he says how dark the hallway is and I realize I forgot to put light on, I feel soooo bad because Kitchen Angels is so nice and putting the light on is the least I can do.

10 p.m. toe has line again… much thicker but not all the way to bottom of nail… Fresh compress. Sharp pain in muscle above abdomen on left side when I move; there most of the day.

December 15, 2004 (Wednesday): Slept better last night. Hand asleep when I wake up. Curious about that since I had a B12 shot yesterday.

Time myself when I get up to see how I’m doing. I was up 12 minutes before my muscles started tightening enough to scare me; most tightening in my back muscles. I had thought it would be longer.

Risk management lady coming today. She didn’t come.

December 16, 2004 (Thursday): Up 13 minutes, first thing, before muscles tighten so much I have to go back to bed. Gums swollen, can’t put partial in. Vitamin C (masses), compress, homeopathics, and Listerine…

December 17, 2004 (Friday): Bobbette comes and gets list to get things I need; when she doesn’t come right back I get scared she’s had an accident — I get really cold. Happily she’s fine. C, Compress, Ibuprofen. Methylcobalamin arrives from Fred. Mouth sore. Wal*Mart did photos wrong, way too expensive: on hold long without talking to manager; Will try to remember to do it over internet.

December 18, 2004 (Saturday): Mouth sore, still swelling, but not as bad. Try methylcobalamin. Flavor is much better than I expected. It seems to have same effect as cyanocobalamin… nice not to have to use the needle. Trying to rest more, so muscles get better: work on website because it doesn’t require hard thinking, so it’s restful. C, Compress, Ibuprofen.

December 19. 2004 (Sunday): really impressed with methylcobalamin. Started to get depressed feeling, took one when otherwise I’d have had a shot, and it worked; Trying to relax a lot though, so muscles heal. Also pain in thigh continues to diminish. C, Compress, Listerine, Ibuprofen.

Foreclosure stress affects coordination

December 20, 2004 (Monday): pain and tightness seem much better, don’t take Ibuprofen until 10:30 a.m., that’s 9 1/2 hours. Also, was up 17 minutes before tightening made me have to go back to bed. Really happy about length of time. Doreen comes with Bobette. Organize foreclosure papers for Doreen to take to Bernadette for copying and to be sent to Legal Aid lawyer, Sandy. Stressful reading some of the papers where they had hearings that I didn’t even know about. (2/24/05 : the hearing they had without me was in the injunction case before Judge Pfeiffer.) Can’t keep papers straight. Have to reorganize them over and over again. Doreen says it’s nearly time for her to leave. I call Bernadette to see if Doreen can just leave the papers, and if DVR will mail them to Sandy… she says yes, asks me to write address for Jenelle. I can barely keep that request in mind, I copy address, but then when I try to write Jenelle’s name, I can barely write… my writing isn’t clear at all. I am sooo stressed. Can’t type straight either. Try to play Mah Jong but chat is hopelessly transposed letters and mixed up. No one talks to me. Call Sabra, talk is good. But in the evening I’m still not functioning properly in terms of my mind and my fingers working together… typing still off. C, compress.

No accommodation of disability

December 21, 2004 (Tuesday): methylcobalamin still seems to be working really well, using less Ibuprofen, pain in stomach muscles less intense. Valerie Del O, and Rudy Del O come over as insurance adjusters re risk management, office of the courts. Sabra is here to observe. Feel my hand shaking when I gesture. Can’t remember words when I’m trying to talk. After they leave I can remember Valerie asking me a question, or part of a question, but I can’t remember it all. I ask Sabra. She says V. had wanted to know what accommodations I wanted. I wish I’d told her about paper Jill Ryan wrote and that I filed with court. Really tense; typing affected, feel like I’m not thinking straight. Can’t do anything because of inaccuracy factor. Bobbette brings Christmas basket food: just tons of supplies. But Bobbette’s uncle has killed himself, and another uncle has died… so she’s going to Colorado Springs for funeral… I ask if she would/can deliver summons. She calls to see, and says yes. Happy but still stressed and not functioning.

When Charles brings evening meal I confuse a lot of words and am really distressed because of my non-functioning. Worst is when I want to say “hydrogen sulfide” and say, “homo” and stop. I wish I hadn’t been attacking Christians on pbs today about their attacks on gays. I’m afraid I hurt his feelings.

Take 3 Ibuprofen at 6 p.m. because pain level has risen, probably because of extreme stress of court not accommodating and so close to foreclosure. Scared. Then later get email from Bobbette, who can’t find Return forms. But I’ve already missed her. I’m pretty tense, even when I try to relax. It seems like if the court has been refusing to accommodate, and ruling against me, that it is not going to stop discriminating unless the 10th Circuit rules in my favor… Scared. Do not want to lose home.

December 22, 2004 (Wednesday): up only 11 minutes before I have to go back to bed. Couldn’t sleep well last night, thigh worse,I think from the stress affecting my nerves. Can’t see very clearly — also probably nerves affected by stress. Take an extra vitamin A. There’s no way I can properly answer all the papers in the time the judge gave. It’s hopeless if I can’t get accommodation. Try not to think about losing my home. Scared, though. Methylcobalamin, C, Ibuprofen, Compress.

December 23, 2004 (Thursday): Can’t sleep. Right thigh is intensely painful again. Little spasms of pain run through it, and when they do my right foot flexes up, not the whole foot, but my toes and the front part of my foot bend up toward my ankle — it does it, I don’t do it. Eyes burn from being tired, and from the wearing effect of the pain. Wrists feel extremely tired. A.m. it’s very cold in house. Can’t warm it up. Muscles get very tight again, even around middle where breathing is — feel nauseous. C, Ibuprofen, fresh compress.

December 24, 2004 (Friday): takes half the day to warm up house. Muscles ight. Kitchen Angels makes me so happy — beautifll bood. Cannot type. Also a smiling delivery person. Happiest Chrismtas, excpet for beign sick, in a long time. C, Ibuprofen, didn’t put fresh comparess on — too tired.

December 25, 2004 (Saturday): got eight hours of sleep though ti was hard o go to sleep because head kept falling way to the left. So tired of sleeping sitting up. Took more Ibuprofen in the early morning, in the dark, when thigh was about to be unbearable. Timed myself when I got up, ony 7 minutes. (down from 17 on Tuysay,no mmoNday morning.) Plus, I pushed myself aftern muscles started tightening and now they still hurt even though I’m in bed. On the plus side, when I press on a muscle it’s sore. They used to just be tight. So I thinkt he soreness ifon the side of healing. I wish they were still itching. Tat tidn’t last very long, I think because of the court stress. Court is hopeless if they keep trefusing to accommodate. (I am not correctingall the errors, ecaue the errors are a resutl of the stress and they and the tsress make everyting that much harder.)

Feel nearer hopeless today. I’ve lost several days and much improvement has been lsot because judge woudn’t accommodtae, No way I can answer all motions in 15 days from hearing, when I didnt even get the mail for nearly aweek or at least way beyond what it would have taken id if I docud go to the mail box myself. Judge seems to have determined he will foreclose becaue he willmake it impossible for me to defend. Pre-Paid dwasn’t there on Wednesday (probably for holiday); Legal aid attoreny, Sandy, coulnd’t be reached… yetI’m supposed to file on Monday. He ouwouldnot have done this to an attoreny. Need to check reules. Bit tpdau O’m gong to read on stress: the Elissa Epel material.

Being able to be up only 7 minute — 7 minutes is not enought itme to do anything… and my musles areso tight again aht I can’t take as large steps anymoere, ant that means just going to another room takes longer, when I already have less time. Was going to have an olive cuz ilove olives.l th Christmas atreat. But of course I can’t open oliv jar. I can barely open bolobna bologna packs — the sealed plastic that youhave to pull apartr. But, Bobbette got me wonderful brie and totritllas so I’m enohoy enjoyhing that for c?hristmas. it’s totally wonederful.

December 26, 2004 (Sunday): Slept poorly, woke up — vision blurry. Bathroom, coffee, water for kitty, up 7 minutes before tightening extreme, back to bed. Depressign that I was able to be up 17 minutes. Tomorrow is the day I would have gotten rent. Next Sunday I need to show the house… when I was ablet toe be up 17 minutes, I was happy thinking I oculd shoulw it. Even though I’m back in bed, my muscles still feel bad. So I’m much much worse than a week ago.

Continued.

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